Like US On Facebook or Follow Us At Instagram
Summary:
I am writing about the importance of setting boundaries during perimenopause. Boundaries will be or personal responsibility ends in relationships, we have need for respectful communication and compassion. Sometimes these boundaries get leaky, such as over-participation in group texts, constant email checking, and overcommitting to events. We need to prioritize self-care, setting clear work schedules, and saying no without explanation. There’s a psychological reason behind poor boundaries, including trauma and people-pleasing, and suggests strategies for improving them.
********
it is vital to assess who and what we give our time and energy to be much more selective, and to do that, we need to create boundaries that could look like boundaries with friends, family members, colleagues, kids and even your pets. We can easily blame our declining hormones for low energy, crappy sleep, moodiness, overwhelmed stress, but you are also feeling this way because you probably lack healthy boundaries. Women spent most of their lives over giving, over delivering, overdoing, overworking, and saying yes to everyone and everything else they want to control things. All while neglecting themselves in the process, and as a result, their health declines. And listen, I have been there myself.
Think of a boundary as an invisible line that you create that should not be crossed. So, when it comes to relationships a boundary defines where our responsibility and control for another person begins and ends. When somebody has leaky boundaries, it means that they do not stick to this line. They bend easily. They believe that they are responsible for another person. They try to control somebody else. They worry about things that are not theirs to worry about. They try to fix other people’s problems, and often they feel resentment towards another person, and somebody who has leaky boundaries may come to the realization at some point that they need to create firm boundaries. And unfortunately, what ends up often happening is they create boundaries that are so rigid that it can be quite jarring for the person on the receiving end, and this can leave a person feeling really dismissed or even abandoned.
It is important to create loving boundaries effectively communicating with somebody else and letting them know what you will and will not stand for. Now I believe that we can create loving boundaries like this with another human without being mean, harsh, or resulting in them feeling isolated. But the secret is respectful communication with the side of compassion. We can all use a little more compassion. And by communication, I mean being clear on what you need, but also listening. Listening has become such a lost art nowadays, especially in relationships.
Now, all that said it is important to take a step back and assess where and how you spend your time and energy, so you may not even realize how often you are giving to others while putting your own needs on the back burner. It’s actually not fair to other people when you don’t create healthy boundaries, because when you over give and somebody may not appreciate it, or you don’t perceive them to appreciate it, you can become resentful, you can become angry and then feel under appreciated.
Another thing is not knowing when to shut down after a workday and being available 24/7 to your coworkers or your boss, instead of having a clear work schedule and shutting down at the end of the day. So your hours are supposed to be nine to five, but your boss is calling you or texting you at seven o’clock. You need to communicate that that is not appropriate, or that that is your family time, or whatever it is. And I know that’s not easy, because especially nowadays, where people feel like their jobs are on the line, or there is a lot of people being laid off, so you do not want to necessarily say no to your boss. But what is more important, you know your health and wellbeing, or that job. There is a lot of jobs out there. I just feel like, especially as women in this stage of life, we have been giving, giving, giving, doing. We are not feeling our best. I know even myself doing all the things I do, I am still not feeling 100% so I must be mindful of my work and life balance, right?
It is important to communicate that another thing is attending every event that you are invited to or saying yes to any demand of your time. And this is especially true for those of you who are moms. You know, when it comes to school events and volunteer work and all of that, you do not want to overbook yourself.
Another leaky boundary is fear of disappointing others. You know, you want people to like and love you and again, that could be due to some sort of trauma that you experienced. You did not get what you needed growing up. You had a parent who was absent just some things to think about, you know, another one is that it was never modeled for you. You grew up in an environment where there were no boundaries, or they were just very unhealthy boundaries, and nobody ever showed you what it was like to effectively communicate your needs and set those boundaries. You are a people pleaser. You know you want to make everybody happy; you never want to rock the boat. You do not want to cause anybody to be upset, or you do not want to disappoint people. And another one is that you may have low self-esteem. You do not think that your needs are as important as somebody else’s, so you are constantly putting others before you. So how can you start putting some of these boundaries into place?
When it comes to group texts, for example, start looking at how many you are in. You need to remove yourself. You need to just let them know. Like, Hey guys, I am not available for this. I am going to step away from this group chat. I have a lot going on right now. Okay, when it comes to emails and your work, like, dedicate a certain time of day to checked emails or even texts, right? Even if you stay in certain group texts or group chats, you are only checking them in the morning or in the evening, not throughout the day, getting constantly distracted and then allowing it to take your time and energy away from other things that perhaps are more important.
But even with your kids, you can set proper boundaries. The other thing is creating a work schedule. I said this a little bit earlier, and making sure you stick to it, you know, this is especially important, you know, for working woman, you want to make sure that you have dedicated hours.
We have things that we have to do, but, I am prioritizing joy and things that make me feel good. The other thing to think about is, you know, you want to start to encourage others who rely on you, or that maybe you have some leaky boundaries with to find solutions to their own problems versus trying to solve it for them, it’s not your job to fix other people or their problems. Is there somebody who is constantly complaining to you, but yet, doesn’t take your advice. Stop giving them advice because you’re just enabling that behavior.
I want you to start believing that when you say no, it does not require an explanation. Oftentimes, what I see with a lot of women is they will say no to something and have to give an excuse, or they’ll just over explain. Boundaries are a critical part of maintaining your mental, physical, and overall health and well-being, I firmly believe that.
Comments are closed, but trackbacks and pingbacks are open.